Dear You:

Note: I.M. Haight is a staff writer at TruthMerchants.com .  A fantastic website run by some dudes who don’t pay me enough a great group of writers.

Dear Germaphobe At The Gym,

Are you serious?  Did I just see you flush the urinal with your knee?? I understand the importance of proper hygiene.  Really I do.  I use warm water and soap…cough and sneeze into the fold of my arm…all the good stuff.  However, using a different paper towel to dispense soap, cut the water on and off, and to open the door is TOO FUCKING MUCH!  Put on a whole body condom if it’s that serious!

Before you start to think that I’m overreacting and that you are just being cautious.  Think back to when you were a child.  Did that tasty booger kill you?  Do you have some incurable infectious disease contracted from touching the bars on the jungle gym?  No!  At most you got a cold.  Your nose ran, you whined and your mom just popped the mammary canteen back in your mouth.  So, stop it with the bio-hazard routine!!  That is all.  Thank you.

Disgustingly yours,
I.M. Haight

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