Dear You:

Note: I.M. Haight is a staff writer for TruthMerchants.com

Dear Charmin Ultra,

Certain things in life you take for granted, you know?  The things you truly don’t miss until their gone.  Hot water, Monday Night Football…air.  Charmin toilet paper just jumped on that list.  I had the unfortunate opportunity of experiencing barely paper toilet paper recently.  It was then that I missed the comfort of 2-ply.  When I got home I wiped my ass just as a way of saying sorry.  I must say that after that sandpaper the Charmin felt like I was wiping with rabbit pelt.  I say all that to say thank you from the bottom…

Comfortably,

I.M. Haight

———————–

Dear ex-lady friend,

I know you wonder why I seemed uncomfortable last night.

Because I was…

Very.

I don’t know how you were raised but what you have in your bathroom is inexcusable.  Granted, it’s always uncomfortable when someone you know casually drops the kids off swimming in your pool for the first time.  Don’t worry; I double flushed so I didn’t leave any pennies on the counter.  But I wonder how you aren’t uncomfortable EVERY time you go in there!  I could sand down and refinish a dresser with that stuff!  Please enjoy the package of Charmin Ultra Soft and re-examine your life.

Uncomfortably,

I.M. Haight

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