Dear You:

Dear Proud Parent of a Poo,

Yes, the log you left in the toilet for me to bear witness to was magnificent, and the fine brown spray on the back of the toilet the week before was equally impressive. Please realize though, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and your artful creations in the restroom, some topped with flowing layers of used toilet paper are not as beautiful to some (all) as they are to you. A few ideas for the future:

-More than one flush, if chain broken, lift lid, and manually flush toilet — Don’t worry, it’s clean, and if not, it’s still probably cleaner than your hands.

-Wipe down the toilet. I would say pretend it’s your bum, but since I can’t vouch for your skills in cleaning that area either, just try your best.

With time and practice, you too can leave the restroom in a semi-presentable state.

Sincerely,

A user of common sense

Dear Asian Lady at Target,

We shared a moment didn’t we?  I know that we don’t know each other, but for a few seconds we were united in wonder.  I glanced over.  You glanced over.  And then we looked at each other and shrugged as we thought:

This chick in front of us at the Target in West Hollywood is a dude, right?

To his(?) credit, he did a great job of…ummm…covering things up.  I mean even though we both silently agreed, it was clear that neither one of us was really sure.  But in the end, there is no accounting for man-hands is there?  Well my new silent friend, I hope to see you again.  I wonder what mystery we’ll uncover next…

Yours in the search of truth,

Preston

And because I couldn’t resist:

Reader Submission -

Dear Bathroom Conservationist,

I appreciate your efforts to conserve toilet seat covers, however, I must say that I am reluctant to use the extra toilet seat cover that you accidentally pulled out and re-stuffed back into the dispenser.

I don’t know where your hands have been most of the time, but I know they have been to this restroom on at least one occasion, if not more, and I don’t know if I want to use a toilet seat cover that had been mangled by the hands of someone who may not have washed her hands.

Additionally, I don’t know if this toilet seat cover may have also fallen to the ground before you replaced it back in the box.  Please, in the future, throw the additional toilet seat cover away, or flush it, and find some way in your personal life to make up for this wasteful act.

Sincerely,

A user of common sense

If you’d like to submit your own “Dear You” letter, please email truthmerchants@gmail.com

Reader Submission

Dear Front Line at Chipotle’s,

When I ordered the 3 Soft Chicken Taco’s the other day, I was expecting the bang for your buck type of fillers you once served. I was utterly amazed when I asked for corn –you dropped about 6-7 kernels on each taco. You gave me a lil glimmer of sunshine. Also when I asked for cheese you gave me snow flurries instead of inches. I asked for mild salsa, and that I thought you got right until I got back to work and my mouth was ablaze. I also don’t understand the blank irritated stare you gave me when I asked for more chicken, corn and cheese…you were acting like my request was abnormal.

Now, I understand that the corn and stuff went up..but look here–your prices didn’t go down–so the next time, either throw in a 4th skimpy taco or happily oblige my request. Oh, and stop acting like the “Chipotle Big Heads” are taking the cheese out of your check!

Yours Truly,

A Chipotle Lover Wronged

If you’d like to submit your own “Dear You” letter, please email truthmerchants@gmail.com